March was eight months ago. I remember a lot of things were different then. I remember studying and working my butt of in school. I remember countless emails and phone calls and meetings with one of my teachers who helped me overcome a few obstacles, which in turn opened my eyes to the possibilities of my future. There was an amazing feeling that seemed to complete so many incomplete things when I decided that I wanted to pursue a career in teaching. I should be more clear by saying that I had wanted this years ago (and for most of my life) but was never able to accomplish it, much less reach for it.
This time around, it was all my decision (sort of). And what made it so much more special was knowing that something inside of me wanted not only to teach, but to work with special needs children. The kids that no one wanted to waste their time on... The ones who were picked on and bullied... That ones who could barely speak... Wait....how in the world could I possibly think I would be capable of teaching these children? Of REACHING them? I fought with myself over this for quite a while. But there was a huge realization of how selfish I was being. Instead of asking myself if I was capable, I should have asked myself whether or not I was worthy of such a task.
I absolutely love children. I didn't fear teaching them. I feared failing those who needed someone to believe in them. And the more I thought about it, I prayed about it. I prayed A LOT! I worried about failure and disappointment and so many things. God let me vent and cry and stress, and when he was ready he reminded me that I was being selfish again. God told me that he doesn't want us to worry. We are to give our troubles to him.
Jeremiah 33:3 says "Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not." God opened the door and said I will never know unless I try. He said that he believes in me just as these children need me to believe in them. He strengthened my faith and he led me out of my small valley that I was hiding in. He showed me that I needed to trust in him and to watch for great things from his love. I came to realize how true this was. I prayed over it and I thanked God for the opportunity. I took the chance to live out his blessing, and I made the choice to follow God's lead. I'm still in school, and I have a bit further to go. But it's a journey that God will see me through.